5 Bullets
by titaundomiel
Summary: It takes place when Callen gets shot and the events after it. Kensi
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Some of you already know that English is not my first language so bear with me, please!**

**I**

"Kensi!" she heard Sam's frantic voice on the other side of the line, "Oh my God! Look at me! Don't you do this to me"

She immediately stood up from her chair at the bullpen, "Sam, what's going on?"

She didn't get any answer. Knowing that something was really wrong she run up the stairs to the conference room, while still listening to Sam's panicked voice.

"Eric!" she found the computer genius with his feet on the table playing some stupid game, "Trace this call, now! Something is wrong with Sam. I want cameras too"

While Eric was going through all the means to find all the surveillance cameras available she kept trying to talk to her partner, now on speaker.

"What's going on, Sam?" she was getting impatient.

"He must have dropped the cell" Eric reassured her as Nate and Hetty came into the room with worry printed on their pale faces.

Suddenly, the image from the surveillance cameras came into the screen at the same time that Sam finally answered, "It's G…He got shot!"

Kensi froze as her eyes confirmed what she was hearing. Callen was on the ground, his partner's arms around him trying to bring him back to consciousness.

"The ambulance is already on its way" Eric told them.

_5 holes on his chest. 5 bullets ripped through his body._

Kensi approached the screen. She could not hear anything her colleagues were discussing. The world blurred around her. There was only the screen and Sam's cries coordinated with what she was seeing in front of her. She had lost too many people in the past and he was one of her best friends and a person she trusted with her own life, every single day.

_He wouldn't dare do this to her._

_Kensi. Kensi._ "Kensi!" she heard Nate call her as she came out of her trance.

She turned to face them, desperation veiled with determination. They looked back at her not one of them knowing what to say next. Suddenly she walked out of the room leaving them wondering where she was going.

***

The whiteness of the corridor was almost blinding. People who were dying probably would think they were entering Paradise through these doors. Salvation.

_Was he going to get saved in the end?_

Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes but she had to remain strong. There was still hope left.

_5 bullets. 5 bullets ripped through his body._

_Please, don't die…_ And she kept repeating it in her mind.

***

She found Sam sitting on a chair looking defeated. She sat next to him.

"He's in surgery" he whispered.

Kensi nodded, "What did the doctors say?"

"Nothing" he was pissed off "You know doctors…"

She let the statement hang between them. She hated doctors…

"Who did this Sam?" after a long silence she finally managed to ask.

He took a moment, thinking…

"Too many possibilities…"

She nodded again. Callen and all his aliases had too many enemies. She would get there too.

It was then that she realized Sam had blood in his hand. _His_ blood. She touched it becoming mesmerized by the bright red contrasting with Sam's skin.

"I saw the van… I saw the guy pointing the gun" Sam started rambling, "I didn't do anything to stop it"

Kensi put a hand on her partner's shoulder, "It's not your fault…" she reassured him.

He stood up abruptly and turned around to face her.

"Not my fault!" he raised his voice but immediately looked around to check if anyone was witnessing his break down, "He told me he thought he was being watched, Kensi!" he lowered his tone but she could see that he was screaming inside, "I thought he was being paranoid as always…"

She looked back at him afraid that if she answered him she would have her own break down there.

"I should have done something…"

***

The whole team was now gathered in the waiting room when the doctor came to see them.

"You're here for G. Callen?"

They all stood up and Hetty took the lead while Kensi stood a little in the back afraid of the news they would get. Nate noticed her behaviour.

"Yes"

The doctor took a deep breath and Kensi feared the worst.

_5 bullets. 5 bullets ripped through his body._

"Is he ok?" Sam asked fearfully.

"He suffered a massive internal damage but he's still alive"

The team exhaled in unison.

"We had to induce a coma in order for him to recover from all the injuries. He's in the ICU right now" he delivered the information calmly.

"Can we see him?" Sam asked.

"I'm sorry…only family is allowed" he replied apologetically.

Hetty, outraged, answered back, "We're his family"

She was able to intimidate the doctor enough for him to let Sam in to see his best friend.

***

**Please, comment and let me know if you want me continue!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I'm sorry it took me this long to post this chapter. The truth is that I've already written like eight chapters but I'm revising each one as I post and I'm probably going to change it as I read all your suggestions. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't leave you guys waiting too much time. Thanks for all your kind reviews, they mean the world to me!!!! Keep them coming!**

**II**

The water run down her body but wasn't enough to relax her tense muscles. She had told her partners that she needed to go home to freshen up and that she would probably come back later.

_This i__s just too much to handle._

They had watched her leave wondering if she would come back at all. She had had refused to go see him and replied that Sam should be the one by his side. Nate understood immediately that she was too scared.

Her vision was getting blurred but she wasn't sure if it was due to the tears threatening to fall or the steam that enveloped her skin.

She turned off the water leaving her colder than se had been before. She stood motionless looking at nowhere because there was nowhere to go. She felt her naked body responding to the coldness and getting goose bumps.

_How did this happen? Why him?__ How did we get to this place?..._

The questions came flooding into her restless mind and her motionless body could not help but start helplessly trembling with every punch the thoughts gave on her mind.

Finally a tear fell and others followed the lead starting a process that she wasn't sure if she would be able to stop. She eventually had to steady her body on the wet wall and when she finally gave into the powerful emotions she sat clumsily in the tub hugging her legs against her naked body letting it convulse with each desperate cry.

It was then that she realized…

_I can't lose him. _

***

She heard her phone ring but it seemed as if she was paralyzed. Her muscles did not respond to anything outside her own body. It rang so many times that eventually went to voice mail. It was Sam.

"Hey, Kensi…" his broken voice matched her own feelings reminding her of how lost she felt in that moment, "Just to tell you that everything is the same. No changes…The doctors say he's stable. I guess we have to wait"

There was a long silence but she could still hear his breathing.

"I'm staying here tonight…if you want to come by…" he hesitated in every word as he was speaking, "Well… I see you tomorrow…"

_We'll see…_

***

Three days passed and none of them heard from Kensi.

Sam wanted to check her place to see if she was there but he didn't want to leave his friend's side. He hadn't left the hospital since Callen had been admitted.

As he sat by his bedside he counted all the times he had tried to call her and got no answer… she was yet to set a foot in this room.

"Being very thoughtful, Mr. Hanna"

He heard Hetty come inside and making her way to stand on the other side of Callen's bed. She couldn't hide her fear while she stared at the fallen agent.

"I'm worried about Kensi…"

Hetty nodded knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"I just don't understand…why, Hetty?" he was desperate, "She hasn't even seen him yet…"

"I know" she answered almost in a whisper, "Our psychologist believes she's scared…"

Sam turned to her with an outraged look, "Aren't we all?"

"We are…" she contemplated the statement looking at Callen, "Indeed we are. But Miss Blye has lost too many in the past"

Sam was caught by her last statement. Hetty seemed to know what she was talking about.

She smiled back at him, "Just give her some time, Mr. Hanna. She'll come around, eventually"

"Yeah…"

It was just a matter of time.

***

She had no more tears left. She stood in the same place on her sofa for hours no end. Time seemed to not matter anymore since she had the realization that he was more important to her than she had ever thought.

_I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him._

It really was true what people used to say…You only know what you really need when your about to lose it.

She needed him.

He was her life line every time they went in the field.

He was the one always there when she needed a reassuring look when things weren't going their way or before they made a bold move.

He was the one that made fun of her dating life and she couldn't help but smile inside every single time.

He was the one that always had a calming voice and an encouraging hand on the small of her back when they said goodnights after a long day.

He was the one…

And yet she didn't know him at all.

She felt like she couldn't breathe without him. That was why she hadn't found the guts to face the truth and enter the hospital room where he stood more motionless than her. She couldn't bear the sight of him lifeless.

But the fear she felt was beginning to mix with the physical need to see him... make sure he was ok and… Be with him.

_I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him._


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the kind reviews or should I say AMAZING reviews! Please, keep them coming so that I can know if you guys are enjoying it. And also many thanks to everyone who made story alerts of this fic and favourite author... I feel so honored!**

**III**

Her heartbeat accelerated as she walked through the white corridor again. She stopped at the reception desk.

"Good afternoon!" an all-too-cheerful blonde girl said, "How can I help you?"

Kensi hesitated for a moment looking back at the door she had just walked in from.

"I'm here to visit G. Callen" saying his name left a different taste on her mouth.

The girl looked through the computer and typed something.

"Alright… Room 815"

Kensi smiled for the sake of being polite and turned to leave.

***

_815_

It took her an eternity to turn on the doorknob. Her trembling hands moved in slow motion as she slowly opened the door to let herself in.

The sight of Callen stopped her dead on her tracks. Kensi could only stare at his bandaged body and think how the hell he was still alive. Her eyes started to water as she thought of how close he had been to death. Maybe when he had entered the white corridor he had believed he was staring at heaven's doors…

_Or hell in disguise…_

She counted them again… 5 bullet holes now covered with reddened bandages.

While she hugged her body comforting herself she could only wish the arms enveloping her were his.

"Kensi?" she heard Sam calling from behind her.

She turned around and he couldn't believe his eyes. Kensi looked broken beyond repair. Her eyes were red and dark circles could be seen under them. She even looked thinner. _What had happened in the past three days?_

"Kenz…" he called her name again tenderly as he approached her defeated body and stood in front of her.

She looked up into his eyes, "I'm so sorry" her voice trembled, "I'm so… so sorry" she repeated but this time she couldn't held back the sobs inside her chest.

Sam pulled her to him and she held onto her friend's body as if her life depended on it.

"It's ok" he told her "You're here now"

***

Kensi sat on a big sofa that was placed next to the bed where Callen was in. From the look of it, it certainly had served as Sam's bed for the past three days. He could watch over his partner from there.

"I brought you a burrito and coffee" he announced and sat next to her watching as her hands reluctantly took the food from his. Even her hands seemed thinner…

"When was the last time you've eaten" he asked making eye contact with her. _She wouldn't lie to him._

She avoided his look, "I don't know…"

He inhaled trying not to lose his temper and letting this one slide, "Where have you been?"

She looked up and her eyes settled on Callen's unconscious figure.

"My place"

Nate was right. She was scared to death… He could see it because it was printed all over her eyes as she looked over at Callen.

"He's going to be ok…" he told her trying to convince himself at the same time.

She smiled but not out of happiness, "It's Callen. He won't be ok…"

She was right. Even though the physical wounds would eventually heal he would never let this go.

"But we should still have some faith, right?"

She smiled bitterly.

"I lost mine a long time ago" she confessed.

_When my father died…_

Her honesty startled him. He had never seen Kensi like this. Her emotions were so raw…

"You're taking this so hard, Kenz" he commented without judgement.

A tear fell down her face as she turned to Sam willing to open up her heart.

"I can't lose him"

And it was the first time she said it out loud.

***

The night came and eventually all the team had gathered on the waiting room. They were politely talking and wishing for some good news. But the hours passed and some of them had already left, only Hetty, Sam and Kensi had stayed.

"Mr. Hanna you do realise you haven't taken a bath for three days" Hetty commented lightning up the mood.

Kensi smiled a genuine smile for the first time in the past three days.

"You go ahead and laugh!" Sam turned to Kensi, "You should have looked at yourself in the mirror this afternoon"

"Funny" Kensi shot back.

Hetty was amused by their exchange. They were both definitely looking a lot better.

"You should go home, Mr Hanna"

Kensi turned to him, "Hetty is right…I'll stay"

The older woman nodded to Sam reassuringly, knowledge expressed in her eyes.

***

"If anything happens, you call me right away" Sam told her, "Are we clear?"

Kensi smiled at his bossy manners.

"I mean it!"

"Don't worry…" she calmed him, "I'll call you"

He nodded and turned to leave just to stop and look back at his partner, "Did you mean it?"

She inhaled in desperation, "Yes, Sam! I will call you!"

He walked back toward her, "Not that…" he paused, "What you said back when we were in the room…"

Kensi adjusted her body with anticipation.

"About losing him" he finally ended the question.

He hadn't wanted to push the subject then because it was obvious that she was too lost in her own emotions. But he wanted to know. Was she feeling something much more powerful for his friend than he ever was led to believe? Love?

_Was she in love with him?_

He wouldn't ask that for now. He didn't want to push her easily pushed buttons…

She wouldn't lie. She couldn't… It was Sam. Her friend…

She nodded afraid that her voice would break in the middle of the sentence.

Sam smiled tenderly and left saying nothing else. Her secret would be safe with him.

***

She came back to Callen's room that was now enveloped in darkness although she was still able to see him due to a small light near his bed that glowed on his peaceful face.

She pulled a chair and sat with her arms on his bed resting her chin on her hands. At that moment a nurse came by to check on him and smiled knowingly at Kensi who did not move an inch from where she stood.

"You know you can talk to him…" she told her before leaving again.

That made Kensi wonder… Was he able to listen to her?

"I'm probably going completely nuts…" she started rambling, "I'm sure I am"

She held her head up and looked out of the door checking if anyone was listening. She moved her hand to grab his caressing his palm with her thumb. After a few minutes she stood up and her hand left his to touch his cheek. She leaned over to whisper in his hear.

"Good night, Callen"

And she laid down on the sofa falling asleep almost immediately.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: I'm so sorry it took me so long to update but my computer has been acting crazy these past days... sorry!!!!!! This is a smaller chapter but I hope to update the next one before the end of the weekend. Thank you so so much for all your reviews. You have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that you are enjoying this fic. I really cannot thank you enough... And comparing it to "When She Woke Up in the Morning"!!!! It's one of my favourite Kensi&Callen fics!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so honoured!**

**IV**

Five more days passed and Kensi had gotten into a routine. In the morning she would go to the office and catch up on some paperwork and then go by her place to take a bath and finally, at the end of the day, she would come back to the hospital to spend the night.

The team usually gathered for dinner at the hospital cafeteria and would check up on Callen later. But today they were gathered in a meeting room with Callen's doctor.

"I called to inform you that we are taking Mr Callen off the coma"

The team gave the doctor an apprehensive look. Was this good news?

"Don't worry" he comforted them, "He seems to have been doing a good recovery and the less time he stays on the coma the less time it will take him to recover completely"

"When will he wake up?" Sam asked not hiding his excitement very well.

The doctor smiled at his patient's best friend, "We are administering some medication to prepare his body for the shock but if everything goes according to plan…tomorrow afternoon your friend will be awake"

Kensi couldn't believe her hears. Was this finally happening?

"He will be surrounded with nurses and doctors during the night" he turned to Kensi smiling, "So today, Ms Blye, I advise you to get some rest and come back tomorrow. There's no need to stay here tonight"

Nate and Eric turned their heads toward Kensi confused only Sam and Hetty knew what was really going on. She smiled shyly and then walked toward the doctor.

"Dr. Ford, can I just check on him before I go?"

"Of course, Ms Blye"

***

When she entered the room, three nurses were there checking his chart and giving him some meds. When they saw her come in they smiled and said that they would come back in 10 minutes.

She sat on the bed looking at Callen's unchanged face. She rubbed her hands together trying to shut down all the nervousness that she was feeling. She looked around to check if anyone would be listening to her crazy talk with an unconscious person.

_I'm definitely going nuts…_

"I need to tell you something because I know that when you wake up, tomorrow, I won't have the guts to do it"

She paused and felt a lump form in her throat. She couldn't start crying now. She had to get it out of her system or else… She would just explode.

A tear fell and she wiped it with the back of her hand.

"I don't know what's happening to me, Callen" her voice started to crack and more tears fell, "I really didn't want to feel this way because it hurts everywhere…"

Se paused her rambling to inhale some air and prepare for what she was going to say next.

"I love you"

It came out as if it was only a one word sentence, impossible to separate the I and you from love. She felt like the weight of the world was swept off her tired shoulders. But these feelings weren't good for either of them…

_I'm in love with the wrong one…and I can't do anything about it…_

"I love you, damn it! I love you and it's breaking me…I can feel it"

_Helpless… _

"I feel it in my bones, my skin, my muscles…" she stood and hugged her body trying to keep the pain away, "I feel like you have your hands around my throat every time I come in this room and I see you like that…"

She tried to calm herself and lowered her voice so that no attention would be called to her little melt down.

"And you _wanna_ know what hurts the most?" she leaned down and touched his face with both her hands, "Is that I'll have to pretend that everything is the same when it really isn't"

She let go of his face and picked up her stuff that had been thrown on the couch that afternoon.

"I'll see you tomorrow…"

And she left not looking behind.

***

She laid on her bed that night and found herself crying desperately holding onto her pillow. She felt a mixture of relief and sadness. She was happy that by that time tomorrow Callen would hopefully be awake and well but the realisations that she had been through in the past few days would have to be buried maybe forever.

Even though she felt her heart pounding on her chest so hard every time she looked at Callen she promised herself that she would put a smile on her face and pretend everything was ok because if she wasn't able to do that she would have to quit her job…permanently.

**Please, review!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: So sorry for the delay... Just want to thank you for all the reviews, story/author alerts and favourites. You just make my day!!! Enjoy the chapter!!!**

**V**

When she arrived at the reception she didn't need to tell the usually all too cheerful girl who she was visiting because by now she already knew. Kensi walked through the white corridor and the pounding in her chest became stronger with each step closer to his room.

As she made her way she could see Sam's back turned to her but as he heard someone approaching he turned and smiled nervously at her.

"Is everything ok?" she asked apprehensively.

"Yeah…yeah… I was just waiting for you"

She nodded smiling.

"Let's do it"

_I love him. I love him. I love him… but it's wrong._

Sam opened the door cautiously. Kensi came up from behind Sam's back and the first thing she saw was a pair of ice blue eyes looking directly back at her. Her heart stopped in that moment and she froze in her tracks. That did not pass unnoticed to Callen that shot back a confused look.

_It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong…_

As Sam made his way to his friend's side she tried to pull it together and eventually joined Sam by the bed side.

When he was finally able to see Kensi's face again he smiled tenderly at her.

"Hey, Kenz" his voice was low and rough due to the tube he had had to help him breathe. Hearing it after all this time sent a jolt of electricity through her spine. She had missed his voice so much...

"Hey"

They stared into each others eyes a little longer than necessary and Sam watched their nervous exchange as if he was outside the scene, like watching a movie.

Callen eventually turned to Sam with a serious expression, "Did you…?"

"No. But we won't rest until we find those bastards" Sam shot back, knowing exactly what vendetta felt like. He was sure Callen wasn't going to rest until he found the ones responsible for this.

Callen turned to Kensi who nodded in agreement. He would be needing their support in a time like this even though it was hard for him to admit.

"The doctor said that maybe in a few days I can be discharged" he told them too eager to leave that bed.

"Callen..." Kensi called softly.

He turned at the sound of his name; the familiarity of her voice startled him. It felt as if he had been listening to it for all these past days. It felt…comforting.

"I don't think you should be alone, you know" she explained her fears, "Maybe you should stay with one of us when you leave this place"

_What am I thinking? I was supposed to keep some distance..._

He smiled lovingly. She was so different…

"Don't worry…I'll be fine"

***

"When are you going to tell him?" Sam asked her and then took a sip of his coffee.

She hid her nervous hands under the cafeteria table.

"Tell him what, Sam?"

"You know what, Kensi" he said matter-of-factly. _That you love him…_

She took a deep breath before answering, "I can't…"

"Why not?"

She shot him a deathly look, "Don't push it"

Sam nodded defeated, "Alright…I just…If I were him I would like to know"

_No, you wouldn't._

***

She eventually came back to Callen's room to get her stuff. Everyone had left already and there was only her and a sleeping Callen.

"Thank you" his rough voice startled her.

"I'm sorry" she turned around to look at him, "I thought you were sleeping"

"I was" he smiled.

She smiled back apologetically and approached his bed sitting at the edge, "What for?"

"For staying here all these days…" his voice was so low it only made her shiver more.

She couldn't hide her stunned look, "Sam?"

He nodded.

_Bastard__! He better not tell him everything._

He shifted in his bed pulling himself up to a more sitting position. His face showing some of the pain he felt. Kensi noticed and tenderly helped him. He smiled at her shy gesture.

"So...it seems like the doctor agrees with you..."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

"He came by to tell me that the hospital will only discharge me if I have someone to watch over me, you know… Babysit" he told her hesitantly, "And since Sam's is a bit too crowded..."

Kensi grinned. Was he taking up on her offer?

"Ok" she simply answered without giving it much thought.

"Ok?" he wanted to make sure she was certain of her decision.

She nodded.

Pretending was going to be harder than she had initially thought. Maybe this was a bad idea but nothing had ever felt so right in her life before. Ever...

***

That night Kensi started preparing the guest room to receive Callen. She eventually fell asleep in _his_ bed.

**Please, comment!!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: I'm so so sorry it took me so long to update but I have exams next week so i don't have as much as time as I would like to revise this fic. Also I've written a one-shot that I hope I'll be posting really soon so please check it out! This chapter is smaller because I've written it recently but I felt I needed to describe a little of the environment in Kensi's house instead of jumping right ahead to the next chapter. Thanks again for all the kind reviews!!!!! I just wished I had the time to thank you all individually... Enjoy!**

**VI**

Sam helped Callen into the bed as Kensi brought all his stuff and put them in a corner. Callen explored his surroundings with a curious look. Clean-lined room almost felt like the best place he had ever been in as well as the living room. The rest of the house he hadn't been able to see due to his still fragile condition.

The doctor had made it very clear that these first days were for resting and definitely not for wondering around without vigilance. The immobility made him feel agitated but the sound of the waves that he could see from the window in his room were soothing.

The contemporary feel of Kensi's place with white walls, big windows and modern furniture made him feel at ease and for once a place wasn't too noisy or too cold, or too dark. It was... perfect. Because above all it reflected her in every single feature of it.

He was so taken by his surroundings that he didn't realise that Kensi was approaching him up until she was already sitting beside him staring at him with a concerned look. He also realised then that Sam had left the room.

"How are you feeling?" the tenderness in her voice was comforting.

"Good" his eyes laid on her face and suddenly he felt like he couldn't look away anymore.

She smiled knowing that he wasn't exactly telling the truth, "Alright...You should get some rest now..."

"Yeah..."

Kensi went to pick up a blanket and tucked Callen in. She gave him one last smile before standing to leave. But he stopped her with his hand grabbing hers gently.

"Kenz... Thank you"

She melted at the sound of his voice saying those words.

"You're welcome. Besides... it's good to have some company"

***

Kensi gently closed the door and joined Sam in the living room. He was sitting on the big white sofa looking thoughtfully out of the window that also overlooked the sea.

When he heard Kensi come in his eyes left the waves and followed her tired figure as she made her way to seat next to him. He knew that this whole situation was harder on her than any of the others. Damn, not even himself was taking this as hard as she was and Callen was his best friend. But for Kensi, Callen was just... well, Callen.

"Kensi, I already told you he can stay at my place" he told her for the million time.

Kensi smiled at her partner, "Sam... You have a family to deal with..." she tried to reason with him, "I can take care of him"

"I know you can" he shot back honestly, "And better than anyone else."

She smiled at his last words.

"I just wanted to spare you... You know, form all of this"

"I want to do this, Sam" she told him, confidence in her voice but doubt in her heart.

***

Callen tossed and turned as images flashed through his closed eyes. Not even the sound of the waves was able to keep the nightmares away.

**Please, comment!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Surprise!!!! Didn't make you wait that long, right? The other chapter was too small and I would feel bad to leave you guys with only that after such a long time with no updates. Please let me know what you think!**

**VII**

Two weeks had passed since Callen moved to Kensi's place. They were both enjoying each other's company. Kensi could not believe how good it felt to come home to someone, especially him. And Callen loved waiting for her even though he spent all day wishing he could go to work with her. He feared for her safety more than he had ever let himself feel. She was his friend and… he couldn't bear the thought of one day not having her by his side watching late night shows and sharing Chinese food with some red wine.

But some things were left unspoken. Kensi's feelings were still a mystery to him and his sleepless nights were not discussed even though she probably heard all the tossing and turning.

***

That night she woke up from one of her own nightmares. She had been dreaming of death: her father's, Callen's and hers. It was confusing since she was so at ease during the day but the nights were making her restless.

She usually laid on her so empty bed listening to Callen's own nightmares, wondering if his fears were that different from hers. But this night was different. She could hear him moaning as his uncontrolled movements made a cracking sound on the bed.

She tip toed through the corridor and stopped listening from the other side of his door. His moans were getting louder and without anymore hesitation she opened the door and run to his side. She held on to his face trying to bring him back, calling his name.

When his eyes snapped open he tackled her down to his bed, ending up on top of her with his hands around her neck.

"Callen!" her voice failing, "I can't breathe!"

Suddenly he let go of her jumping out of his own bed and steadying his body against the cool wall.

Kensi sat still trying to catch her breath. Tears were threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry" his voice was so low she doubted he had said anything at all.

She just nodded.

The room was dark only the moon lit their scared faces.

She stood and walked carefully toward him as his eyes looked up into hers. She saw so much regret in them mixed with raw fear she almost did not recognise the person in front of her. She had never seen Callen so vulnerable and exposed.

She involuntarily caressed his cold rough cheek. He leaned into her touch and put a hand on her waist to steady his shaking body and just for the sake of touching her, "I didn't mean to hurt you, Kenz"

"I know…" her voice trembled as his hand left a trace of warmness on her skin.

He couldn't stop staring at her beautiful face. He found himself doing it more and more in these past few days. He had always noticed her beauty but now was different. It was like she made everything easier… even the nightmares. But he couldn't forgive himself for what he had just done. He could just tell that her neck would have marks of his own hands by tomorrow morning.

He gently traced with his fingers the place where his hands had strangled her.

She held his hand away, "Don't worry. I'm fine"

He nodded defeated.

"Let's go back to bed"

As she was helping him stand he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen which made him fall back into the wall moaning.

"What's wrong?" she panicked.

Before he could answer her, she saw some blood staining his grey t-shirt. She carefully put her hand over it and felt the fresh blood touch her fingers.

"Oh my God! Callen, I think your stitches just opened" she told him noticing as more blood came out and his face became paler, "I have to take you to the hospital"

She tried to calm herself as she put his arm around her shoulders and her arm went around his waist to steady his weak body.

"Just stay with me, Callen"

For the first time since the day he was shot, Kensi felt an overwhelming sense of fear.

***

When she arrived in the emergency room some doctors came and took Callen in a wheelchair telling her to stay in the waiting area.

It was then that she realised that she was dressed in her pyjamas. Good thing it wasn't too revealing just a white t-shirt and baby blue trousers.

She sat on one of the vacant chairs and collapsed her hands together entwining her fingers so that her nails would be spared. Her heart was still accelerated and she was sure that her breathing would only normalise when the doctors came to tell her that he would be ok.

"You're boyfriend... he will be ok" she heard the girl that was sitting next to her say.

Kensi turned to look at her smiling as politely as she could, "He's just a friend"

The girl nodded smiling, "Sorry..."

"It's ok...Thank you"

***

A nurse came to get her after what felt like an eternity. She entered the room he was in and she couldn't have been more surprised as she saw him already on his feet talking to the doctor.

His eyes turned directly to her and his tender smile made her melt.

"You need to be more careful, Mr. Callen" the doctor told him and then turned to Kensi, "Don´t let him go around the house like there are no bullet wounds in his body" he teased.

It was then that Kensi realised that it was Dr. Ford, Callen's ICU doctor.

"I keep telling him that" she said as she walked toward them shaking hands with Dr. Ford.

"How are you, Ms. Blye?"

"Better now" she confessed looking at Callen who smiled apologetically back at her.

"Good. I already gave Mr. Callen the instructions. I hope he follows them thoroughly" he looked directly at Callen, "I have to go now... Take care"

Kensi and Callen smiled before he left the room.

She turned around to face him, "So what are the instructions?" she asked curiously.

"Nonsense..." he teased her.

"Don't do this to me again" she pleaded as her eyes avoided his, "You scared the hell out of me" she faced his blue eyes again.

"I'm sorry..."

She couldn't help but smile, "Alright, let's go home"

She couldn't even begin to imagine how good that sentence sounded in Callen's hears. _Home..._

***

That night, when she laid back on her own bed and felt her body finally relax, she cried herself to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for all the reviews and alerts and author alerts!!!! This is coming to an end, only two more chapters left (I think). Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

**VII****I**

"What brings you here, Callen" Nate curiously asked.

Callen looked around Nate's office before nervously sitting down. He had been able to sneak into OSP just after Kensi left for an assignment with Sam.

"I've been having some nightmares…"

Nate nodded expecting what was coming, "How often?"

"Every night"

"It's normal, Callen. You're maybe experiencing what's called Post-traumatic stress"

Callen looked down ashamed of what he had done the night before.

"Is that all?" the psychologist asked sensing that something was being left unsaid.

Callen looked up, looking the man in front of him in the eyes.

"Last night… it was more vivid and…" he hesitated, "Kensi went to check on me and I ended up with my hands around her neck"

Nate wasn't able to hide his shock.

"I can't risk hurting her again, Nate" he confessed lowering his voice.

Nate nodded in agreement, "I'll right down a prescription"

"Ok"

Callen decided to go for a walk down the beach before heading home. His doctor wouldn't appreciate this very much but he was tired of being imprisoned all day. Nonetheless the evenings were a whole different story… because Kensi was home. He needed to figure out what he was feeling for her. Last night when she had entered his room and then tried to calm him down… when her hand brushed his cheek… he had felt something.

_Am I falling for her?_

It wasn't right. He wasn't right and it would put both their jobs at risk… but at the same time he couldn't help but respond to all the strong urges he felt.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

He heard Sam call form behind. Callen turned smiling at his friend.

"Hey!"

They shook hands and Sam pulled him for a brotherly hug.

"Did you miss me that much?" Callen mocked him as they pulled away.

"Shut up" Sam shot back grinning.

They sat down on a bench facing the waves.

"So I've heard you went to the hospital last night. You sure you're allowed to go out?"

Callen nodded, "Everything's fine..."

"I know" he looked doubtfully at his friend, "So… how are things down at _Casa de Kensi_" he asked curiously.

"Great…" he answered nodding and keeping his eyes glued to the ocean.

Sam looked at his friend wondering what was really going on. Callen felt his partner's eyes burning a hole on the side of his face.

"G?" Sam insisted.

Callen let his face fall into his hands defeated, "Please, Sam, don't push it"

Sam smiled as he felt a kind of déjà vu. This was going to be interesting since it was pretty obvious that his friend was falling for Kensi and she loved him too and neither one of them would come out and say it out loud. On top of that they were living together. _Interesting..._

Sam nodded and stoop up looking down at his friend, "You should go back before she gets too worried"

Callen stood up drowning his hands in his pockets, "Yeah…"

As Callen was turning to leave, Sam put a hand on his friend's shoulder stopping him on his tracks.

"Whatever you do G…" Sam checked if Callen was listening, "Just don't hurt her…"

Callen nodded to his friend although he was afraid that he had already done it.

When Kensi opened the door to her place she immediately noticed the silence. After all this time she couldn't bare to be alone in her place.

"Callen?" she called and repeated it as she searched the place.

She was starting to panic. She was sure the doctor instructed him not to leave the house. She wondered if the guilt he felt was so overwhelming that he couldn't share a place with her anymore. She knew he was that type of guy, the one that thinks that they don't deserve anything good, a loner…

She started looking for any sign of his departure and was a little relieved to see that his clothes were still in his wardrobe and there were no thank you notes or farewell presents. That was a good sign…

Suddenly she heard the front door open and run back to the living room. It was him, safe and sound.

He noticed her reddened cheeks and anxious expression.

"Where have you been?" she asked desperately not that it was any of her business.

He closed the door and turned to face her, "I went for a walk…down the beach"

She nodded but was still not able to hide the panic she had felt just moments before.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you" he said honestly as he walked to the couch and sat down letting his body relax, "I should have left a note or something"

She smiled and sat down beside him, their shoulders brushing and warming their bodies and souls.

"I'm not your mom…" she mocked, "You're free to go out whenever you want"

He smiled looking at her. She kept her gaze on the turned off television.

"I was…" she started hesitantly, "I thought you had left because of what happened last night", she pulled herself up and turned so that she could look at him in the eyes.

He turned his head looking back at her waiting for her to continue.

"It wasn't your fault…" she reassured him.

He nodded not knowing what to say next.

"Was it about the shooting?"

She could see his body tense up with all the memories flooding back. She held onto his hand entwining her fingers with his. He looked down at their hands and wondered why it felt so natural. Neither one of them wanted to pull away

"Yeah…" his rough voice made all her body tremble.

After a few moments of silence she finally confessed, "I dream about it too"

He was surprised to hear her say something like that. Sam had told him she had taken it pretty hard but he never thought that it was still haunting her.

They let her last statement hang between them with all the unspoken meanings behind it.

She let her body fall against the back of the couch and relaxed, their shoulders touching again.

"Chinese?" she asked him smiling.

Callen considered it for a moment, "How about I cook you dinner?"

Kensi faked a disgusted look, "Oh no…"

Callen stood up and looked down at her, "I make some serious pasta…You don't know what you're missing, lady"

She couldn't hold back the laughter, "I don't think I want to know…"

Callen smiled tenderly back at her and walked into the kitchen.

**Please, Comment!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Again, thank you all so much for all your reviews, suggestions (especially TVmatchmaker), author alerts, favourites, story alerts... I just wish I could answer all your reviews indevidualy. So, there is only one more chapter left and it's kind of a big one (btw, so sorry this one is so small). I can tell you that I really saved the best for last =P Enjoy!**

**IX**

"A marine was killed just outside of his house while coming out to go to work this morning" Eric informed, "Witnesses say that the only thing they saw was the man falling to the ground with five bullet wounds on his chest"

Kensi's heart stopped as she heard the story. So familiar…

_5 bullets. 5 bullets ripped through his body._

Sam glanced at her before speaking.

"Nobody heard anything?"

"Nope" Eric answered.

"The killer probably used a silencer… shooting from a building close to the crime scene…maybe a sniper…" Sam started to theorize.

"And who is the victim?" Nate asked.

"John Robinson. He had recently been assigned to some top secret mission for the Navy in Iraq. He was leaving in two days." Eric continued.

"Someone didn't want him to get to his destination" Sam said.

Kensi remained silent through the whole briefing. She couldn't handle a case like this… but she wasn't going to give up either.

"Dom and I will go check the crime scene" Sam told the team, "Dom!"

They all noticed Kensi's dismissal.

"So now you're just gonna push me aside?" Kensi called as she run after Sam.

He turned around after telling Dom to meet him in the car. The younger agent smiled friendly at Kensi and walked down the stairs.

"Kensi…"

"Don't Kensi me, Sam!" she raised her voice, "I don't need you to protect me from this"

Sam inhaled before answering, "I thought I was doing you a favour"

_He was…_

"Right now I need to work"

Sam nodded understanding. Work was her escape plan from everything else.

"Alright…"

Kensi smiled victoriously.

They were both unaware of Hetty's eyes on them.

She sat in the comfortable living room waiting for Marie, the victim's wife, to come back with a cup of tea.

Perfect house…white picket fence.

Everything she wasn't cut out for. She couldn't picture her future like every other person. Husband, kids, grandchildren… she wasn't… normal. When she thought about the future everything she could see was herself alone in her place. Nowadays the taste of homemade pasta assaulted her mind but she knew that it wouldn't last. He wasn't going to stay forever.

The blonde woman sat down in the big white sofa opposite from her and handed Kensi a warm cup.

"I can't believe this is happening… we had just gotten married…" the woman tried to hold back the tears.

Kensi looked down hiding her own pain. She felt like she was looking in the mirror. She had felt exactly like the woman in front of her in the first days that followed Callen's shooting when she thought she was going to lose him.

"Do you know if your husband had any enemies?" Kensi asked reluctantly but she had to do it. It was her job.

_Callen has many…_

"I don't think so…" the woman answered honestly looking desperately at Kensi searching for an answer, "I don't know…"

"Was he having any problems at work lately?"

"He was stressed but I thought it was because he was leaving…"

Marie could not hold back anymore and her body convulsed with every desperate cry. Kensi felt the guilt and recognition fall over her all so tired shoulders. She got up and sat beside the woman and put a comforting arm around her shoulders and Marie held onto Kensi's body.

"I feel like I can't breathe without him…" the woman said between sobs.

And Kensi understood that better than anyone else.

Callen came down the stairs talking casually with Nate. He had come down to the OSP for another consult with the psychologist and for his medical check-up.

"Mr. Callen!"

He heard Hetty call form behind him just as he was making his way to the exit. As he turned around Nate patted him on the shoulder teasingly.

"Good luck" the psychologist whispered before leaving.

Callen approached Hetty hesitantly, "Good afternoon to you too, Hetty"

"Follow me, Mr. Callen"

Callen gave her an exasperated look that did not go unnoticed.

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" she asked him as she was making her way to her office.

He couldn't help but smile at that.

They entered her office and Hetty immediately sat behind her big desk and made a signal for him to sit too. This was serious.

"What's wrong, Hetty" Callen asked curiously.

Hetty smiled reassuringly at him and leaned forward before starting.

"We were presented with a new case today…"

"Ohhh…Hetty, did you miss me that much that you just couldn't wait to have me back?" he teased her.

Hetty didn't have time for his little games.

"This concerns miss Blye" she shot back seriously.

Callen froze, "What happened?"

Hetty noticed his concern and smiled tenderly at him.

"Dead marine. Killed outside of his place…" she paused and noticed his confused look.

"What does this have to do with Kensi?"

"He was killed with five bullets on his chest"

Callen nodded finally understanding.

_Just like me__…_

"I think she is…" Hetty considered what to say next, "Reliving some painful moments"

Callen run his hands through his short gold hair. He just kept hurting her over and over again.

Hetty knew what was going on. She always did… And she could tell that his feelings toward the junior agent were growing and overwhelming him.

"I just… don't know what to do anymore…" he confessed because he was sure that Hetty already knew he was kind of falling for Kensi.

Hetty smiled, "Well…" she stood and walked over to him putting a reassuring had on his shoulder, "I believe she likes orchids"

**Please, comment!!!!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: LAST CHAPTER! What can I say… Thank you, thank you, thank you… It's not enough! You have no idea what your reviews, story alerts, favorites, author alerts (!) have made me feel. I've always been a little insecure about my writing since English is not my first language but you've given me lots of confidence to keep writing and let my creative mind wonder. I am so grateful for that because now I want to write more than ever about this ship even though I don't always have time for that. I wish I had had the time to thank every single review you've sent me because each one means the world to me. And you want to know what is the most wonderful thing that's happened?Now TVMatchmaker wants my advice on her fic and that makes me feel so humbled because I never thought I could go through with one of my stories and I am helping someone else with theirs. Oh God! I'm rambling now! Well I just want to let you know that I'm juggling some ideas on my mind for another multi-chapter fic but it's very probable that you'll hear from me sooner with one-shots because I only post a fic in progress when I have almost all the story written down because I don't want to leave you guys without an ending. Thank you so much all of you who have taken the time to read my stories I mean every word! Enjoy this last instalment!**

**X**

After she left the marine's widow house she numbly drove back to her place. Every moment she spent on 815 room came flooding back and by the time she reached her place tears were already clouding her vision.

She saw Callen's Mercedes parked outside so she had to pull it together before going in. She strangled the wheel with her trembling hands as she took a couple of deep breaths.

_I feel like I can't breathe without him…_

She kept hearing it in her mind and it only reminded her of how strong her feelings were for him and how hard it was to keep them undisclosed.

She checked her face in the rier view mirror before coming out of the car and made the way back to her place.

The first thing she saw when she opened the door was a bunch of orchids sitting on the coffee table. She smiled at the gesture and felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of Callen buying her flowers.

Kensi sat on the sofa and stared at them not trying to hide the happiness that was splattered all over her face. Her eyes only left the beautiful flowers when the man that was responsible for her sudden good mood came into the room.

"You know I hate flowers…" she commented teasingly following him with her eyes as he made his way to the kitchen to pick a couple of beers.

"Thought I'd take a chance…" he teased back approaching her and sitting on the couch beside her.

She pulled her legs up and turned her whole body so she could look at him with a curious look.

Callen felt her eyes burning his skin.

"What?" he asked.

"What did you break, Callen?" she asked curiously wondering what the flowers were really about.

He turned his face faking an outraged look, "Nothing, Kensi. I just…" his tone changed capturing her attention, "You deserve it, that's all"

She nodded smiling, "Thank you…"

He smiled back getting lost in her deep brown eyes.

She leaned her head down on the couch closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.

"Hard day?" he asked pretending he didn't know.

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at the white ceiling contemplating the day she had had.

As he stared at her he could tell that the case had gotten under her skin. This was maybe a glimpse at how she had felt when he was shot. He eventually turned his look away feeling the guilt assault his mind.

"A marine was killed… at his place" she started telling him about the case.

He turned at the sound of her voice listening carefully to everything that she said.

She pulled herself up and looked at him straight in the eyes, "With five bullets…"

_Just like me._

"Just like you…" her voice trembled as she hugged her knees close to her aching chest.

He couldn't be more surprised to hear her say it out loud. He could see that her eyes were brighter with unshed tears reflecting his guilt. He stayed away from her because he didn't want to hurt her or put their jobs on the line. He wanted to protect her from G. Callen and everything that came with him. But sometimes he wanted so bad to believe that they would be better off together. These days as her roommate were the best of his life despite the circumstances. But no one was safe with him… and she was the one in most danger.

Suddenly the silence between them became strangely uncomfortable as her statement echoed in the room.

"I can't lose you, Callen" she finally broke the silence as if the sentence came in one single breath living a sense of relief in her heart for getting it out of her system.

During the past few weeks she felt as if there had been a glass between them… with all the unspoken feelings and secrets. It was almost as if the house was empty even though they were living together.

All the small gestures like giving her flowers or drinking beer together only added to the distance they felt they needed to put between them. They pulled toward each other only to be more apart. She was too stubborn and independent and he was too lonely and guilty…

She always walked through the house carefully and yet so very close to him. Her mind raced to regain self-control every time he touched the small of her back when she was heating dinner for them or when his body brushed against hers on the way out of the bathroom every single morning. There were so many things that triggered her that she had to always be on alert.

But she wouldn't trade it for anything…

Her statement hanged between them as they stayed silent. Kensi looked anxiously at him as he let his head fall on his hands wondering what would become of this conversation. He wasn't good enough for her… and she was getting too close for him to be able to pull back.

"You don't have to say anything" she told him noticing his reluctance.

He stood and she followed every single move waiting for what came next. She turned her body letting her feet touch the ground again. She could see that every inch of his body was tense.

He kneeled in front of her letting his hands rest on top of her knees. He was as surprised by this move as she was. He could even feel the slight trembling of her legs as he made contact with her body.

They hadn't had been this close ever since the night she woke him up from the nightmare. It was as if an electromagnetic field was formed every time they touched. No one could get in but they weren't able to get out either.

He kept his eyes down, staring at his hands. For the first time in a very long time, Callen could not tell what the next move would be.

Tired of waiting, Kensi brought her hands to his face tenderly, trying to make eye contact with him. She could feel him unconsciously leaning into her touch and relaxing a little.

Eventually his eyes did come to meet hers and the usually icy blue stare was now warmer maybe reflecting her own deep brown eyes.

"I know this complicates things..." she told him as honestly as she could while letting go of his face, "And I know that you probably don't want to hear any of this..."

"It's not that I don't want to hear it, Kenz" he interrupted her whispering every word, "It's just that... it makes it real if you say it out loud"

She smiled bitterly at the situation they found themselves on. Could this be anymore complicated? He was her boss, her friend and in her heart the person that even though wrong felt so right to be with. He was G. Callen, the man that could become anyone in a blink of an eye. He was so good at being anyone but himself that he eventually lost it in the process. She wasn't even sure if she was really talking to him right now. But she did trust him with her own life and that had to count for something.

"When you were shot" Kensi broke the silence, "I thought I was never going to see you again," her voice started to break as she remembered those days.

"Kenz..." Callen whispered in a desperate attempt to make her stop.

"No, Callen. Just let me finish, please" she interrupted him placing her hands on top of his tenderly.

"I'm here... You're not going to lose me" his rough voice sent a jolt of energy through her body.

"Yes, I am, Callen" she caressed his face tenderly as she felt her heart twist at the thought of him leaving, "Actually; I never really had you…"

"What are you talking about, Kensi" he was confused by her words.

"You live here but… you're not WITH me" she struggled as she tried to explain her feelings, "You don't want to be…"

He looked down not able to face her, "It's not that I don't want to" he then looked up at her, "I can't… This is not right. I'm not good for you, Kenz"

A tear fell down her face as if expecting him to say exactly what he had just said. She immediately brushed it off.

"This was wrong from the beginning…I shouldn't have come to live with you…" he started rambling, "I had just got shot by God knows who and I put you in danger every single day just by being here with you"

"I'm not scared" she interrupted him with a whisper.

"Well I am!" he shot back raising his voice full of caged emotions and startling her in the process, "Because I can't lose you either, Kensi!"

Kensi trembled with anticipation. He was declaring himself to her in a very Callen style. At the same time, he was frustrated with himself because he wasn't able to push her away.

She lowered herself so that they were face to face. They could feel each other's frantic breathing on their semi-opened mouths that were so very close, only inches separating their lips. Kensi raised one hand to caress his rough cheek and coming a little bit closer, their lips brushed against each other in a split of a second sending a comforting warmness through their bodies.

"Don't do this…" he pleaded whispering against her mouth not able to walk away. Not anymore.

She wasn't walking away either. Instead she closed the little distance and their lips finally met gently. The kiss started slowly as they tasted each others' mouths shyly. After the initial shock, Callen let his tongue explore and finally met hers and it was then that they both lost all sense of control.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her to him falling on his lap with her legs going around his waist. His hands explored her body while their mouths fought a losing battle against each other. He could feel his mind shutting down gradually as he pulled her body against his.

When they stopped for air they stood frozen staring into each others eyes. She caressed his face as he felt himself regaining some of his consciousness.

She could feel him immediately trying to pull back and run away but she held his face and their foreheads touched. They stood like that, motionless, for countless seconds. Neither one of them wanted to break the comfortable silence they were enveloped in. But Kensi needed to get everything out of her chest because she knew that this could be her last chance.

"I love you" her voice was barely a whisper.

He put some distance between them as their foreheads separated and he looked deeply into her eyes telling more than any words could.

"You're better off without me…"

"Probably" she smiled mocking him.

He smiled back proud of her fierceness and so in awe of her beauty. He looked deep into her brown eyes before leaning in and kissing her gently on the lips.

He left her wanting more.

"I love you too" he whispered.

Before giving it much thought Kensi pulled him for a deep kiss as his hands began to sneak under her t-shirt feeling her soft skin. She lifted her arms up so that he could take her top off leaving her brown curls wilder than ever. He caressed the strands away from her face and looked deeply into her eyes.

The way she always broke through his so well-crafted defenses only made him adore her more. He now knew, after all this time living together, that she would probably be the only woman who could handle all of his demons. She sure made it easier for him to deal with them.

She caressed his face trying to pull him out of his thoughts. She noticed his ice-blue eyes focusing on her again.

"What's wrong?" she asked him suddenly feeling insecure.

He smiled reassuringly and left a kiss on the tip of her nose, "Nothing"

She grinned surprised to see this side of him and then leaned for another passionate kiss.

They made love on the living room floor.

Callen couldn't remember the last time he had done it or if the woman knew his real name. Probably not…

Kensi doubted she had ever connected with anyone in the same way she did that night with him.

They laid in each other's arms, a blanket covering so little of their naked bodies. Kensi listened to the steady rhythm of his heart.

"Thank you" his voice echoed inside his chest tenderly breaking the silence that had enveloped them.

"For what?"

"Not giving up on me"

She propped her head up and looked into his eyes smiling.

"Don't worry…you're not something I'm willing to let go of"

He smiled sadly at her remembering all the other ones whose hearts he left broken. In that moment he promised himself he would never do that to her.

"Thank you" she whispered believing that his mind was wondering off again probably trying to plan his way out of this for her sake.

Kensi wasn't naïve. She knew that if she wanted to be with him she would have to deal with his demons too.

He looked back at her and repeated her words, "For what?"

"Letting me love you"

And she secretly prayed that he would let her keep doing that as her fingers caressed one of the five scars that brought them together.

***The end***

**Please, comment and leave some sugestions on what you would like for me to write next!**


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